You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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