everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
