A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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