i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
