I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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