dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
being pregnant is like rehab
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
