I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
