I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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