I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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