you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
