you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
