I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
