my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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