I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
