ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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