Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
