I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
