I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
try to milk me bitch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize