a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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