Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Small penises have feelings too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
