yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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