I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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