Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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