Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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