when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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