First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
