dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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