talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
