the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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