I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
