can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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