the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
