I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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