wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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