just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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