Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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