If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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