Can i not drive my cunt home
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
