thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
