I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
