somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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