I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
