I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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