Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
