well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
