yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
