Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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