I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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