im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
