I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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