I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
