you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
