I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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