he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
