New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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