Kiss
Puke
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
