Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
