I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
