Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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