have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
