She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
