On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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