her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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