people are starting to question the shark bite story
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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