Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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