Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
