your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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