I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
