An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
